My wife had a heated argument with me today. It was a surprise as it has been more than a year since we really argued about anything. In a nutshell, it was about her being sandwiched between her company where she works as a freelance therapist, and me, her husband. Citing a conflict of business interest, her hidden anger erupted and she said some really nasty comments. Being a typical male, I naturally had to express my point of view and released my frustration at the same time. After the commotion, she walked away and I continued with my business as usual.

What I noticed was that I was also venting my anger albeit in a subtle manner. We couldn’t compromise as both of us had different views. How many couples quarrel and fight over small matters? Making a mountain out of a molehill? Plenty! The end result could be mutual separation and family breakdown.

I was venting my frustration by expressing my views in a loud manner so that I will not keep the anger’s negative energy. My wife on the other hand was burping to release her negative energy. Both of us know we were mirrors to each other and that we were merely unhappy with OURSELVES!

3 minutes later, she came to me and apologized (for her nasty comments and not her views), me too, and we were back to normal.

Differences are bound to happen. What matters most is the clarity of the mind to see our thoughts arising and dispersing. It is natural to be angry because our past memories hold hidden negative memories that erupts when certain conditions ripen, in our case, the cause was an insignificant comment made by her colleague! Equally necessary is the intention not to hold grudges (or risk developing tumors) by expressing ourselves and agreeing to disagree. Nothing is more sacred than a family. Not companies, money, face etc. It takes 2 to quarrel but 1 to stop.

And its not about who is right or wrong. Its about loving each other enough to recognize the silliness of quarreling.

In our case, it was a break from the monotony of loving too much in the same usual manner. A little quarrel is  just a spice of life!

Thank You, I Love You!

Eddie Lim

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